· illustration by Christopher Hutsul
I went to see my auto insurance agent Steve a couple of weeks ago.
“Sir, as your accredited automobile insurance agent, my primary objective is to make you feel secure. So I’d like to offer you our newest policy: a policy on your policy.”
“Well, as you can see from this handy pie chart I’ve drawn up, it’s an idea so simple, so perversely apparent, that even a monkey could understand it: you should insure your insurance.”
Steve made a strong point. I had never considered how truly vulnerable my insurance policy was. What if I got in an accident Why, my premiums would soar! But if I insured my current premium rate, an accident claim wouldn’t affect my monthly outlay. No sir, I was no monkey. I signed the papers and gave the man my fifty bucks.
Immediately, a powerful sense of calm settled over me. I left Steve’s office, crossed the street without looking either way, jumped in my car, and, seat belt brazenly unbuckled, peeled out of the parking garage.
I hit three telephone poles and a lemonade stand on the way home, in addition to what may or may not have been an old lady. I felt fantastic. Why Because I had peace of mind. That night, I slept like a baby, despite the fact that I was clearly still a fifty-seven-year-old man with chronic angina.
The next morning I went to see what Susan, my life insurance agent, had to offer.
“Well, there is one item that might, er, interest you,” she said with a wink that flagged her clever use of actuarial humour. “Near-death policies. They cover you in case you almost die. These babies are still at the prototype stage, hot out of the Dallas office. Technically, I’m not even supposed to sell this to you.”
“I’ll take it.”
Canada & its place in the world. Published by
the non-profit charitable Walrus Foundation